


The Prequel to Fifty Shades of Bucky

by MimiWritesHerFandoms



Series: Fifty Shades of Bucky [1]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: F/M, Fluff, Hydra (Marvel), Inspired by 50 Shades of Grey, Mild Language, Prequel, Protective Bucky Barnes
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-10-08
Updated: 2019-01-06
Packaged: 2019-07-27 21:54:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 7,919
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16228073
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MimiWritesHerFandoms/pseuds/MimiWritesHerFandoms
Summary: Learn how and why you came to live at the Avengers Compound, along with how you and Bucky ended up together.





	1. Day One, A New Beginning

 

One year, two hundred eighty-five days, and seventeen hours. That was how long you had been on the run, how long you had been in hiding. Now, it was over. You could finally start over.

You closed your eyes and leaned your head against the back of the seat. You were tired, the kind of tired that etched itself deep in your bones, that wove itself into every fiber of your being, consuming you, eating you alive from the inside out.

“Are you okay, ma’am?” the man sitting beside you asked.

You didn’t open your eyes, only nodded, swiping at the tears sliding down your cheeks. If you opened your mouth, if you said anything, it would be nothing more than a choked sob falling from your lips.

One year, two hundred eighty-five days, and seventeen hours.

That was your past, now was your future. 

Today was day one.

* * *

**_Two Years, One Hundred Two Days, and Three Hours Ago_ **

Senator Wilner was one of the most powerful Senators in the United States and you, well, you were his assistant, working for him for a handful of years, following along as he climbed the ladder, gaining power in a country filled with strife. Every ideal he fought for was the same as yours, every cause he backed was one you supported. You longed to see him become president someday, to take his fight to the highest office in the land. You would support him all the way.

You remembered the day it all came crashing down like it was yesterday. You’d just returned from dinner with Harvey, the Senator’s son, whom you’d been dating for nearly six months. You were taking things slow, always cautious of Wilner’s reputation, always careful to protect him at all costs. Wilner was gone for the day, but of course he’d left you a long list of tasks to finish. At the top of that list was the construction of a spreadsheet detailing the supposed leanings of the other senators on an upcoming vote and what might sway them to change that vote. You’d been putting it off all day, but it needed to get done, even if it meant working late.

Once you were back in your office, you grabbed the stack of files you needed to wade through, and turned on your computer. The USB drive Wilner had said he would leave for you was nowhere to be found - of course - so you unlocked his office door and flipped on the light. On his desk, you found it, under the edge of a stack of papers, a bright red thumb drive with an odd black symbol on it, what looked like three snake heads.

Back at your desk, you slipped it into your laptop and opened the files. That was the moment your entire world spiraled out of control.

* * *

You snapped awake, your head hitting the wall you were leaning against hard enough to hurt. You rubbed it, mumbling under breath. You hadn’t realized you’d fallen asleep, your subconscious reliving the nightmare your life had become.

What you had found on that thumb drive had changed your life forever. Wilner - you couldn’t even think of him as a senator anymore - had been a high ranking member of HYDRA. Pages and pages, document after document detailing every meeting, every covert operation, every subterfuge created by HYDRA over the last seventy years, all meant to undermine the government; it was all there, right down to the people involved in it.

Shocked, and unsure what was happening, you’d torn apart the Senator’s office, desperate to find proof that it was a lie, that he was not part of HYDRA. Instead, the evidence had begun to pile up higher and higher, until you were drowning in the information you had found.

You had gathered as many things as you could, and desperate to reveal it, to stop the evil burgeoning below the surface of the world, you’d gone to S.H.I.E.L.D. From there, within days, you’d been put in witness protection, away from your friends, your family, everyone you knew, loved, and cared about. You were going to testify in front of a Congressional committee, outing Senators, Representatives, anyone and everyone who had ever been involved in any HYDRA operation.

You were under such deep protection that only two S.H.I.E.L.D. agents and Director Fury knew where you were. You knew, as did everyone protecting you, that if you were found, you would be killed. The information you had discovered was too valuable, too damning to allow you to roam free. And while the man formerly referred to as The Asset was no longer a concern, there were other HYDRA members out there more than willing to kill you.

One morning, six months after being put in protective custody, you’d woke to an eerie silence. The agents tasked with watching over you, Agent Hawthorne and Agent Davis, were gone with no explanation. Two hours later, while you were sitting on the back steps drinking coffee, waiting for Director Fury to return your frantic phone calls, a bomb inside the house had gone off. You were thrown across the yard and knocked unconscious. The bomb had been wired to the front door and your neighbor, an older woman who’d felt the urge to check in on you, had triggered it, setting it off, killing her instantly. You’d come to buried under a small pile of rubble, grass, and dirt against the back garden wall. You could hear people around you talking and while lying there, you came to the realization that they thought you were dead. You waited, unmoving for nearly an hour before you were able to climb free and flee without anyone seeing you.

For nearly two years after, you’d been on the run, just trying to stay alive. When Captain America and The Falcon had found you, you’d been hiding out in an abandoned building, exhausted, fed up, starving, and at your wit’s end. You didn’t want to run anymore. You couldn’t run anymore. It was over.

They’d ushered you onto a ship, a quinjet according to Captain Rogers, and before you knew it, you’d been airborne, on your way to somewhere safe, under the protection of Captain Rogers and his friend Sam, The Falcon. A sense of relief like you hadn’t felt in a very long time came over you, despite the memories washing over you, despite your fear, despite everything. You felt safe.

Once the quinjet landed at what Sam said was the Avengers Compound, that feeling of safety only increased. You followed Sam and Captain Rogers out of the ship and through a large metal door. The exhaustion was catching up with you, so much so that you couldn’t keep your feet under you. Even though Captain Rogers was right there, holding the door open for you, and Sam was leading the way, you tripped over the edge of the carpet, falling through the door, landing on your hands and knees.

A large shadow loomed over you and the next thing you knew you were looking up and into the most beautiful blue eyes you’d ever seen. A metal hand closed around your elbow, then you were being gently helped to your feet. The man towering over you was stunningly gorgeous, long chestnut locks, a strong, scruff covered jawline, thick, muscular.

“You okay, doll?” he murmured.

“Y-yes,” you stammered.

“Buck, this is Y/N Y/L/N,” Captain Rogers said. “Y/N, this is -”

“Bucky,” the metal armed man smirked. “Bucky Barnes. Nice to meet you, doll.”

 


	2. Day Four, Protection Detail

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You learn who is in charge of protecting you while you’re at the Avenger’s compound.

You stepped into the large conference room, fear squeezing your heart with icy hands. You hadn’t expected to be marched into a room with Captain America, Iron Man, the Winter Soldier, and the one and only Pepper Potts all sitting and staring at you, but that was exactly what had just happened.

You unconsciously took a step backwards, your immediate instinct to run. You’d spent the last two plus years running from any threat that came your way, and seeing the Avengers in one place, waiting to talk to you, ignited your ingrained need to escape. You clenched your hands at your side and slid into the chair beside Ms. Potts that Captain Rogers pulled out for you.

“Y/N, how are you settling in?” Tony Stark spoke up first.

“F-fine, thank you,” you whispered.

“Fine” wasn’t exactly the truth, but what else were you going to say? You certainly weren’t going to tell them that you’d spent your first night in the compound sleeping in the bathroom with the door locked and the bedroom door barricaded with the room’s dresser. Or that you’d only slept maybe three or fours hours the last couple of nights. Or that you felt trapped sitting here with all of them. You couldn’t tell them that, they wouldn’t understand.

“Now that you’ve been here for a few days, we wanted to talk to you about the ground rules,” Mr. Stark continued.

“Ground rules?” you asked.

‘For your protection,” Captain Rogers explained.

“You’re currently number one on HYDRA’s hit list,” Stark said.

“Tony,” Ms. Potts muttered, kicking him lightly in the shin under the table.

“I’m not pulling any punches here, Pepper,” Stark said. “That USB drive and Ms. Y/L/N’s ability to interpret the items on it makes her their number one priority.”

Out of the corner of your eye, you caught a glimpse of the Winter Soldier - Bucky - staring at you. He was leaning back in his chair, arms crossed, his ice blue eyes assessing you, not unkindly. You felt heat flooding your cheeks and you couldn’t help but catch your lower lip between your teeth, gnawing it nervously.

“O-okay, ground rules, then,” you piped up, refusing to let Barnes get under skin and apparently interrupting what appeared to be a heated conversation between Mr. Stark and Ms. Potts.

Captain Rogers cleared his throat, shaking his head at the arguing couple. “Pretty basic, no phone calls, no leaving the compound alone, keep us apprised of your whereabouts at all times, even when you’re on the grounds. This compound and the surrounding grounds are huge and our protection only extends so far. If you were to wander off the grounds, there’s a chance HYDRA could get you.”

“Do they know I’m here?” you murmured. You shoved your shaking hands under your legs, praying no one would notice how scared you were.

“We’re going on the assumption that they do,” Rogers nodded. “Bucky and I are taking point on your protection detail and Tony is read in on everything. Pepper’s here for moral support. Anywhere you go, Buck or I will be there, Tony and anyone else we think might be necessary will be on back up. Period. So, if you need anything or have any questions, you can ask me or Bucky, or if you need to vent or something, you can talk to Pepper. We’re here to help you, Ms. Y/L/N; you’re not a prisoner. As much as it might seem like it. Your safety is our priority. You help us help you and we’ll make sure you stay safe. Sound good?”

“Yes,” you nodded. “How long am I going to be here?”

“As long as necessary,” Bucky piped up. “HYDRA won’t stop, I can assure you of that. It could be days, weeks, maybe even months. Until you testify in front of that Congressional committee and any place else you need to testify, you will be under our protection. We’re the only ones who can keep you safe.”

For some reason, Bucky’s words sent a warm feeling spiraling through you and made you suddenly dizzy with desire. You shifted in your seat, unfamiliar with the sensation working its way through you. You couldn’t do anything more than nod your head and murmur ‘thank you’ under your breath.

“Are you okay with all of this, Y/N?” Ms. Potts asked quietly, leaning closer to you, her hand on your leg.

“I’ll do whatever I have to in order to stay safe,” you said. “I’m tired of running. I’m just...I’m so grateful you’re willing to help me.” You glanced around the table, taking in the three men watching. “I can’t thank any of you enough.”

Captain Rogers rose to his feet, as did everyone else, taking their cue from him. He and Mr. Stark murmured their goodbyes, hurrying from the room, while Ms. Potts - Pepper - spent a few minutes chatting with you before squeezing your arm and taking her leave.

You let out a trembling sigh, forgetting that the Winter Soldier was still in the room, until you turned to leave and saw him leaning against the wall by the door. You jumped, a squeak leaving you.

“Sorry,” he chuckled. “Didn’t mean to scare you.” He put his hands out, an almost shy smile on his face. “I noticed you haven’t left your room since you got here.”

“Yeah,” you said slowly. “And?”

“If you want, I could show you around the compound,” he shrugged. “Like Steve said, the place is huge. Thought you could use someone to show you the lay of the land.”

“I-I’d like that,” you murmured.

Bucky pushed open the conference room door, holding it for you. “After you,” he smiled.

He fell in beside you as you exited the room, his hand resting lightly on the middle of your back as he guided you around the corner.

“Why don’t we start with the common areas?” he suggested. “You can see where we all hang out.”

“Sounds great,” you nodded, a shiver running through you at Bucky’s touch. Being with him made you feel safe in a way you hadn’t in more than two years. You could definitely get used to the feeling.

 


	3. Day Ten, A Late Night

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You can’t sleep, so you decide to watch a movie

You still weren’t sleeping well, even though it had been ten days since you’d arrived at the compound. Most nights you’d end up wide awake, watching something on the TV, or reading a book from the extensive library the compound boasted.

Tonight was no different. You’d fallen asleep around nine, exhaustion taking you, but you’d been awake by midnight, tossing and turning, kicking at the blankets covering your legs, punching your pillow repeatedly, comfort apparently out of reach. You’d finally given up and crawled out of bed, too restless to go back to sleep. You felt like you were in a prison, confined to your room or something. This, of course, wasn’t the case; you were free to move around the compound as you pleased, your confinement was self-imposed. You felt like an intruder, out of place.

So, rather than stay in your room another minute, you opened the door and slipped into the hall, half expecting to find Sergeant Barnes or Captain Rogers standing guard outside your door. Neither of them were there, which was kind of a relief. It was hard getting used to having someone constantly at your side, keeping an eye on you, following you, acting like they thought you might try to escape. You couldn’t blame them, not really. The government’s most valuable political weapon against HYDRA was you, and you had been off the grid for the last two years. Of course they wanted to keep an eye on you. Hopefully, with time, they would learn to trust you.

You made your way to the common room, one of the smaller ones in the compound, grabbed a drink from the fridge and a bag of cookies from the cupboard, and sat down on the couch. You’d discovered this particular room on your fifth or sixth day in the compound, and you preferred it to the larger one that most of the Avengers seemed to frequent. This one was quieter, less traffic, and you could catch a few minutes to yourself. Funny enough, after a couple of days, you’d noticed that the fridge and cupboards were stocked with your favorite drinks and food. You weren’t sure who was responsible, but you appreciated the gesture.

You snatched the remote off the table and a blanket from the basket at the end of the couch before making yourself comfortable. You also liked this room because the couch was big and roomy, taking up half of the room, though very comfortable, unlike those in the other rooms. You turned the television on and five minutes later, you had found one of your favorite old movies to watch. You pulled the blanket up to your chin and settled in.

The movie hadn’t been on very long when you someone stepped into the room and cleared their throat. You hit pause and swung around, slightly startled, only to see Bucky standing in the doorway in a plain white t-shirt and black sweatpants, his long hair pulled back off of his face at the nape of his neck.

“Hi,” he smiled.

“Checking up on me?” you grumbled, rolling your eyes.

Bucky’s mouth pinched in a tight, thin line, his hands clenching and unclenching at his sides. He took a deep breath as he crossed the room to the fridge.

“Maybe,” he mumbled. He took a Coke out, spun off the top, and took a long swallow. You couldn’t help but stare at the line of his throat as it moved, his head tipped back, his eyes squeezed closed. He shook his head as he lowered the bottle.

“Not the same,” he smirked. He glanced at the television, his eyes widening slightly.

“Is that…?” His face changed, the lines and wrinkles disappearing, his eyes glazing over, as if he was suddenly no longer in the present. It only lasted for a few seconds, then he seemed to snap back. “Is that The Maltese Falcon?”

“It is,” you nodded.

“I haven’t seen this movie since, well, since 1941,” he said. “Steve and I saw it, before I shipped out.”

“You haven’t -” You swallowed back the question on your lips. You knew some of the background on the Winter Soldier, but who didn’t - Captain Roger’s best friend since childhood, experimented on by HYDRA, used as a tool for unspeakable things. You certainly didn’t want to bring up those memories.

“Do you mind?” Bucky asked, interrupting your train of thought. He pointed at the end of the couch, one eyebrow raised.

“No, not all,” you shrugged, trying to keep your voice calm, nonchalant.

Bucky sat down, one leg propped on the coffee table, his hand resting lightly on one of his knees. He looked so laid back and casual. After everything you’d read and heard about the Winter Soldier, you’d never thought you’d see him in what basically amounted to pajamas watching a movie. You kind of liked this look on him. You pulled the blanket up to your chin, hiding the smile that had suddenly crept across your face.

The two of you watched the movie together in silence, though it wasn’t awkward, it felt comfortable, normal, as if you were meant to be together in that moment. Bucky was easy to be around, which surprised you, you certainly hadn’t expected it to be like that, not from someone as frightening as the Winter Soldier. He was so easy to be around, you felt yourself relaxing for the first time in forever, resting your head on the back of the couch, curled up beneath the blanket.

You didn’t even realize you’d fallen asleep, not until the sunlight from the huge windows on the east side of the room was shining in your face. You sat up, resting on one elbow, squinting. Bucky was at the end of the couch, slumped to one side, his arms crossed, snoring a little. The TV was playing some mindless infomercial for some kind of copper pan. You nudged Bucky’s leg with your foot, waking him instantly. He sat up, scrubbing a hand over his face.

“Did I fall asleep?” he mumbled.

“We both did,” you laughed.

Bucky shook his head, chuckling softly. “I’m quite the protector, aren’t I?”

“Mmm, you’d do in a pinch,” you muttered playfully. “I guess. You know, if Captain Rogers wasn’t around.”

Bucky laughed, shaking his head. He pushed himself to his feet and stretched, the white t-shirt pulling up to reveal tanned skin and taut muscles. You had to swallow around the lump that suddenly rose in your throat.

“I’ll see you later, Y/N,” he said. “Thanks for the movie.” He was almost to the door when he stopped and turned around, coming back to stand in front of you.

“Can I ask you a question?”

“Sure,” you replied. You braced yourself for the inevitable - more questions about HYDRA, about where you’d been and what you’d been doing for two years. Bucky was the only person who hadn’t asked those questions.

“How’d you like to get dinner with me some time?” he asked.

“Dinner?” you mumbled. “You and me?”

“Yeah,” he shrugged. “I mean, we can’t leave the compound, but I’m sure that I can come up with something. So, what do you say?”

“I-I’d like that,” you whispered.

Bucky nodded, dropped a wink your direction, and then he was gone, leaving you to wonder what the hell had just happened.

Apparently, you had a date with Bucky Barnes.

 


	4. Day Thirteen, A Date with Bucky

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Your first date with Bucky.

“Y/N!”

You spun around at the sound of your name. Bucky was jogging toward you, a serious look on his face. This couldn’t be good.

“H-hi Bucky,” you murmured. “Is everything okay?”

“Yeah,” he nodded. “I was wondering if tonight would be okay? For you and I to have that dinner we talked about?”

Your heart seemed to stutter in your chest as it started beating again. “Um, sure,” you smiled. “I-I think that would be great.”

“Great.” Bucky’s smile was warm and sweet, his blue eyes devouring you. “Meet me in the common room where we watched the movie. It’s a little more private.”

“O-okay,” you nodded, blushing under his scrutiny.

“Seven o’clock,” he said, squeezing your arm as he walked past you. “See you then.”

* * *

You left your room at five minutes to seven, walking slowly through the compound to the common room. Your stomach had been doing lazy flips for nearly an hour and your hands were shaking. You stopped at the end of the hallway and leaned against the wall, eyes closed, dragging in deep breath after deep breath. You couldn’t remember the last time you’d been so nervous.

“You okay, Y/N?”

You jumped, a startled squeak leaving you. Natasha stood in front of you, her arms crossed, a questioning look on her face. You hadn’t heard her coming.

“You scared me,” you mumbled.

“Sorry,” she shrugged, a faint smile on her lips. “Where are you headed? You look a little lost.”

“I-I’m not lost,” you replied. “Just a little...nervous.”

“Nervous?” Natasha laughed. “Why would you be nervous?”

“I’m...I’m having dinner with Bucky,” you said. “Like...like a date, I guess?”

Natasha’s posture noticeably changed, her stance opening, her shoulders drawing up, her hands dropping to her sides, clenching into fists. She frowned, her head tipping to one side. “You have a date with Bucky?” she asked. For some reason, her tone had shifted from indifferent to icy cold in a split second.

“Mmm hmm,” you answered. “Dinner.”

Just then, Bucky rounded the corner and cleared his throat. Natasha turned toward him, an angry glare on her face. They exchanged a few words in what sounded like Russian, then Natasha tossed a dirty look at you over her shoulder before stalking off down the hallway.

“Ignore her,” Bucky muttered. He took your hand and led you around the corner.

Before you had even reached the common room, you could smell bacon and something sweet. You couldn’t help but smile as stepped inside and saw the table piled with breakfast foods - pancakes, waffles, scrambled eggs, bacon, biscuits and gravy, a fruit platter, milk, and several kinds of juices.

“What is all of this?” you laughed.

“Breakfast,” Bucky chuckled. “Everybody loves breakfast for dinner, right?”

“I don’t know about everybody,” you giggled, “but I know that I do.”

Bucky led you to the table, even pulled your chair out for you. In a matter of minutes, your plate was piled high with almost every breakfast food imaginable, far more than you could eat, but Bucky seemed pleased with himself, anxious to make you happy, so you didn’t argue with him.

The two of you ate in silence for a while, a comfortable silence just like the night you’d watched the movie in this very room. You were endlessly surprised at how easy it was to be with Bucky. All of the stories you’d heard, all of the rumors that swirled around about the Winter Soldier and how frightening and dangerous he was, those rumors were nothing more than senseless lies told by an obviously unknowing public. Bucky was so much more than you had ever imagined - sweet, funny, with a self-deprecating humor, not to mention gorgeous, though he didn’t seem to know it.

After dinner, you helped him clear the table, then you washed the dishes while Bucky dried them. You talked about everything and nothing, the conversation flowing easily between you. You’d never felt so comfortable and at ease with anyone like you did with Bucky.

Once the dishes were done and put away, Bucky leaned against the counter beside you. “Have you been up to the roof?” he asked.

“No,” you shook your head. “What’s on the roof?”

“Come on, I’ll show you.” He held out his hand, the metal one, which you took without hesitation. His smile widened noticeably.

You followed him through the halls to the elevator, stopping in front of the closed doors. While you waited, you looked up at him through your eyelashes, only to catch him looking at you out of the corner of his eyes. You smiled at him, trying not to giggle as his lips twitched and his eyes flashed. You stepped into the elevator, the doors sliding closed behind you. There was a definite shift in the atmosphere between you, the air charged with an electric, exhilarating anticipation. Your breath caught in your throat even as your heart rate accelerated.

Bucky turned toward you, the pupils of his beautiful blue eyes blown wide. “Fuck it,” he growled. He lunged at you, pushing you against the wall of the elevator.

Before you realized what was happening, he had both of your hands in one of his, held above your head, his body flush against yours. The fingers of his other hand tangled in your hair, gently tipping your head back, forcing you to look at him.

“You’re fucking beautiful, doll,” he murmured, his nose brushing against yours. “I’m having a hard time controlling myself around you.”

“Kiss me, then,” you breathed, your breath mingling with his.

Bucky caught your lips in his and you couldn’t stop the moan that left you, your mouth opening to allow him access. He took full advantage, his tongue slipping into your mouth, exploring, teasing just a little. He pressed his hips against yours, holding you against the wall. One hand slid up your throat, gripping you just beneath the chin, drawing a gasping moan from you.

You could feel his arousal against your hip and it shocked you, knowing that he wanted you, that you did that to him. Feeling brave, you pulled one hand free and grabbed the back of his head, twisting your fingers in his hair, tugging just a little.

“You are so sweet, so tempting,” he groaned.

The elevator slid to a stop and the doors opened. Bucky pushed away from you, so fast it was as if he’d never been there, leaving you hanging. Captain Rogers looked at both of you, smirking as he joined you on the elevator. Your heart was pounding so hard you were sure that he could hear it. You smiled weakly.

“Evening, Captain Rogers,” you mumbled.

“You can call me Steve, Y/N,” he smiled. “Are you having a good night?” He glanced knowingly at Bucky.

“Y-yes,” you stammered.

“I was gonna show her the view from the roof,” Bucky said.

“It’s gorgeous up there,” Steve nodded. “Beautiful view, especially on a clear night like tonight.”

How was Bucky so cool, so calm, standing there talking to Steve? You felt like anyone looking at you would know that just moments ago you been locked in a passionate embrace with the man standing just a few feet away from you. It was like he was totally unaffected by your presence, while you felt like a giant mess of emotions.

“Have fun, you two,” Steve chuckled before getting out on the next floor.

Bucky’s eyes narrowed, but he had a faint smile on his lips. As soon as the doors closed, he reached over and took your hand, squeezing it gently. He stepped close, leaned down, and pressed a kiss to the corner of your mouth.

“What am I going to do with you?” he whispered, just as the elevator doors opened to the roof.

Your stomach clenched nervously at his words, but truth be told, you couldn’t wait to find out.


	5. Day Twenty-One, Too Much Wine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You have a bad day and a little too much to drink.

“Are you alright, Y/N?” Pepper asked.

“I’m fine, Ms. Potts,” you mumbled. “Really.”

“I know this wasn’t what you wanted to hear -”

You laughed and shook your head. “No, definitely not what I wanted to hear. But the last couple of years have been filled with things I didn’t want to hear. What’s one more thing?” You sighed and scrubbed a hand over your face. “What am I supposed to do in the meantime? I’m kind of going crazy, sitting around here staring at the television or out the window. Now you’re telling me they have no idea when they’ll want me to testify or when they’ll have a hearing? I’m going to lose my mind.”

“I might be able to help you with that,” Pepper smiled. “I could use some help around here, filing, dictating, helping with ordering supplies, stuff like that. If you’re interested.”

“Really?” you asked.

“I know it’s not much -”

“No, it’s...it’s great,” you said, trying to muster a smile. “I’d love to help you. And it’s the least I can do. You guys are doing so much for me and if I can repay you in anyway, I’m happy to do it.”

“Great,” Pepper nodded, rising to her feet. “I’ll get you all set up. Why don’t you meet me here tomorrow morning at nine?”

“That sounds fantastic,” you replied, shaking Pepper’s hand. “I’ll see you tomorrow.” You were almost to the door when she called your name. You turned, your hand still on the door.

“Tony told me you’ve been spending quite a bit of time with Bucky?” she asked, even though it was obvious she knew the answer.

“Yes,” you nodded.

“I just -” Pepper exhaled loudly, shaking her head. “Bucky is a good man, but...he has some proclivities that are...maybe not what you’re looking for?”

“Thank you, Ms. Potts,” you sighed, “but I think I’m the best judge of what I’m looking for, don’t you?”

“I just want you to be careful, that’s all,” Pepper said. “Nothing more.”

You forced a smile. “Thank you for your concern, Ms. Potts. I’ll certainly think about what you said.” You yanked open the door and left.

A few minutes later, you found yourself in the common room, the one where you and Bucky had watched The Maltese Falcon, where he’d made you breakfast for dinner. You went through the cupboards until you found a bottle of wine and a glass, then you dropped to the couch, exhaustion suddenly overwhelming you. It had been a long, frustrating day, starting with the news that you were going to be at the compound indefinitely and continuing with Pepper’s comments about Bucky.

You filled the glass to the top and took a sip, the white wine crisp on your tongue. Your head was spinning. Pepper wasn’t the first person to express concerns in regards to the time you’d been spending with Bucky. Steve had stopped you in the hall just yesterday.

_“You like Buck, don’t you, Y/N?” he asked, as if he didn’t already know the answer to the question._

_“Yes,” you smiled, hoping Steve couldn’t tell how embarrassed you were._

_“Bucky’s a good guy,” Steve said. “My best friend and I love him. A lot. But, he’s...intense. Especially when it comes to the women he dates. He’s never done the sweet and innocent thing -”_

_“I’m sorry,” you laughed warily. “What makes you think I’m sweet and innocent?”_

_Steve put his hands up. “Okay, okay,” he chuckled. “Look, all I’m saying is Bucky has a type, and, well, you’re not his usual type. That’s it, that’s all I’m saying. Just, maybe, take things slow.”_

You refilled your glass, took another long swallow, closed your eyes, and rubbed your forehead. There was a headache starting right in the center of your head. You knew the drinking wouldn’t help, but at the moment, you just wanted to drink yourself into oblivion and forget about everything.

Twenty minutes later, you’d done just that. Your head was feeling pleasantly fuzzy, the headache forgotten, everything forgotten. You’d kicked off your shoes and turned on the television, leaving it on whatever cheesy Hallmark movie was playing. You finished one bottle and you were a quarter of the way through a second bottle of wine and searching for something to put in your empty stomach, when someone cleared their throat behind you.

You spun around, the world tilting on its axis, your hand landing on the counter just in time to stop yourself from toppling over. Bucky was leaning against the door jamb, a smirk on his face.

“Hey, doll,” he chuckled. “You okay?”

“Ummm...no…” You shook your head, which only made the dizziness worse. “I’m having a very, very bad day.” You yanked open the cupboard, stumbling backwards when it opened far easier than you’d expected. You put a hand out, again, but you met air and your feet wouldn’t cooperate so you ended up on your ass on the floor.

Bucky laughed and crouched beside you, his hand on your elbow. “From what I heard, you got yourself a job? What’s bad about that?”

“Pffft,” you mumbled, “that’s only because Pepper feels sorry for me. Or didn’t you hear the part where I’m stuck in the compound indefinitely? My life has been turned upside down because I worked with a crooked senator and I know things I shouldn’t.”

Bucky helped you to your feet and leaned you against the counter. “Look sweetheart, sometimes life puts us in impossible positions and things happen. You can either let it eat you alive or find some way to cope with your demons.”

“Have you found a way to cope with your demons?” you murmured, glancing at his metal arm, not so subtly, thanks to the copious amounts of alcohol you’d had.

Bucky’s eyes darkened noticeably and his eyes drifted down the length of your body before meeting yours. “I have,” he nodded. “Maybe not the ideal way, according to some people, but it works for me.” He brushed a strand of hair off of your face, his touch soft and gentle.

It was most likely the alcohol clouding your brain, but the next thing you knew, you’d surged forward and thrown your arms around Bucky’s neck, your lips crashing into his. He stumbled back a few steps, his hands on your waist, a surprised grunt leaving him. The kiss was wet and sloppy and you wanted more, so much more. You slid your hands down Bucky’s chest, ignoring him when he tried to push you away, and grabbed his belt, tugging and fumbling with the buckle. You had no idea what you were doing, what you wanted, or what you needed, your head was filled with nothing but Bucky and how good he could make you feel.

“Y/N, stop,” he growled, grabbing you by the upper arms and pushing you away. “You’re drunk.”

“I’m fine,” you muttered.

“No, you’re drunk,” Bucky shook his head, “and that means nothing is happening, or not what you want anyway. I’d be taking advantage of you.”

“Not if I want it,” you pouted, reaching for him.

He pushed your hands away. “No,” he said, more forcefully this time. “Let’s get you back to your room.” He took your hand and dragged you after him, leading you through the halls until you reached your room. He shoved the door open and pushed you inside.

You fell onto the bed with a heavy sigh, the room spinning around you, a cold sweat breaking out all over your body. You closed your eyes but that only made things worse. You threw yourself off the bed and sprinted for the bathroom, dropping to the floor in front of the toilet just before the contents of your stomach - wine for the most part - were violently expelled.

When it was over, you moaned and rested your head against the cold tile wall. You didn’t want to move, didn’t think you could move, so you let yourself slide toward the floor.

“Oh no you don’t,” Bucky said, scooping you off the floor.

“Just let me go to sleep,” you mumbled. You were too warm, your head was fuzzy, and your limbs felt like they weighed a thousand pounds.

“You’re not going to sleep on the bathroom floor,” Bucky sighed. “You need to go to bed.”

“You should come to bed with me,” you whispered.

“I don’t think so, doll,” he chuckled. “You’re going to bed all by yourself so you can sleep it off.”

“No fun,” you muttered as he laid you on the bed.

Bucky pressed a kiss to your forehead and pulled the blankets over you. “Get some sleep, Y/N,” he said.

You were half asleep, barely comprehending what Bucky said, you mind spiraling down into unconsciousness. You had a feeling once morning came around you were going to regret the last few hours and that bottle of wine.


	6. Day Twenty-Two, The Hangover

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The day after you have too much to drink, you and Bucky have an interesting discussion.

Pain shot through the center of your head and your stomach churned angrily. You opened your eyes, or tried to anyway, but the light made the pain unexpectedly worse. You turned your head, burying your face in the pillow, groaning. You felt terrible.

Thirty seconds later, you were throwing off the covers and stumbling to the bathroom. You fell to your knees in front of the toilet, the feeling that you might throw up overwhelming you, but fortunately, the feeling passed, though you still felt like you’d been hit by a truck. After a few minutes, you staggered to your feet, brushed your teeth, rinsed your mouth out with some mouthwash, and splashed some cold water on your face. You couldn’t stand the sight of yourself in the bathroom mirror - stringy hair hanging in your eyes, dark, purple circles under your eyes, no color in your face. You were going to go back to bed and sleep for a week.

It was only then that you realized you weren’t wearing what you’d been wearing the day before. Instead, you were in a t-shirt and your underwear. You closed your eyes and tried to remember changing out of your shirt and pants, but the last thing you remembered was Bucky putting you in your bed, fully clothed.

“Shit,” you mumbled, turning and hurrying back into your bedroom, the movement making your head spin all over again.

Bucky was sitting on the recliner in the corner, a pillow and one of the blankets from your bed tucked beside him, his clothes wrinkled and slightly rumpled, staring at you as you came out of the bathroom.

“Good morning, sunshine,” he smirked. “How are you feeling?”

“Like crap,” you replied. “Did you stay here last night?”

“Yeah,” he nodded. “You weren’t very coherent and I didn’t want to leave you alone.” He pointed to the bedside table. “Drink that water and take some Tylenol. It’ll help with the hangover.”

You threw yourself on the bed, yanking the covers over yourself. “Nothing will help with the hangover,” you grumbled. “Except maybe sleep. Lots and lots of sleep.”

“You should eat,” Bucky said, as if he hadn’t heard what you just said. “I’ll get you some food.” He shoved himself to his feet, stretching his arms over his head, a strip of skin showing between the bottom of his shirt and the top of his jeans.

Several inappropriate thoughts flitted through your head, but you pushed them away. Bucky had made it perfectly clear how he felt last night. The memory of his rejection still stung, it made you feel worse than the wine you’d consumed.

“I’m not hungry,” you said. “I’m just gonna sleep.”

“Don’t you have to meet Pepper at nine?” Bucky asked.

You pulled a pillow over your head, groaning again. “Shit, I forgot. What time is it?”

“A little after six,” Bucky chuckled. He had moved to the side of the bed, hovering over you. “Look, I’ll get you some food, some coffee, whatever you need. Give me fifteen minutes.”

You didn’t get a chance to protest because he was already gone. You closed your eyes and immediately fell back into a restless sleep.

You had no idea how long you were sleeping - more like tossing and turning while dozing in and out - but it couldn’t have been very long before your door opened and Bucky came in carrying a tray. You reluctantly sat up, leaning against a stack of pillows. He set the tray by your feet, snatched the bottle of Tylenol and water from the bedside table, and held them out to you.

“Take these first,” he said.

“Bucky -” you sighed.

“Y/N,” he growled, the tone of his voice leaving no room for argument.

You held out your hand, taking the medication and the water, and swallowing them quickly. Only once you’d done that did Bucky put the tray on your lap. He’d been careful, obviously aware of the condition of your stomach. He’d brought you dry toast, tea, and a glass of orange juice.

“Thank you,” you murmured.

Bucky shrugged and dropped into the chair, watching you carefully.

“You don’t have to sit there and watch me,” you grumbled after a few minutes. “I think I’ll be fine.”

“Did you eat anything last night?” he asked.

“You mean before I drank a bottle and a half of wine?” you mumbled. “No.”

Bucky’s jaw clenched noticeably, though his face remained impassive. “That’s why you were so sick. You didn’t eat. Unless you’re a super soldier, it’s the first rule of drinking.” He pushed a hand through his hair, an exasperated sigh leaving him.

“You’re scolding me like I’m a disobedient child,” you muttered.

“You’re lucky I’m only scolding you,” he replied. “If you were mine -”

A chill slithered down your spine at his words. You swallowed past the lump rising in your throat. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“It doesn’t matter. Just...don’t drink like that again when you haven’t eaten.” He stared at something over your shoulder, unblinking.

“Wh-when you say ‘mine’ do you mean, if...if I was your girlfriend?” you asked quietly. You silently prayed that was exactly what he meant.

“I don’t have girlfriends, Y/N,” Bucky sighed. “I’m not really a hearts and flowers kind of guy. I don’t do romance. I have very singular tastes.”

“So I’ve heard,” you mumbled.

“Really,” he quipped, one eyebrow raised. “I take it people have been talking.”

“Pepper and Steve,” you nodded. “Pepper said you have certain...proclivities that might not be what I’m looking for and Steve told me I’m not your type.”

“They’re not wrong,” Bucky said. “Every instinct I have is screaming at me to tell you to steer clear of me.” He closed his eyes. “But there’s something about you, Y/N, something that is making it impossible for me  to stay away.”

“Then don’t,” you whispered.

Bucky’s eyes flew open. “You have no idea what you’re saying.”

“Then you should enlighten me,” you deadpanned.

“I’m afraid once I enlighten you, as you say, you won’t want to come near me again,” Bucky shrugged.

“I’m not afraid of you, Bucky,” you responded. “I thought you knew that.”

He heaved a sigh and leaned forward, his elbows on his knees. “I think we should talk.” He cleared his throat and ran a hand through his hair again. “I don’t...I don’t have girlfriends. I’m not looking for that kind of connection. The girls I do date, for lack of a better word, they’re really more like...sexual partners.”

“So, you only go out with women to have sex with them,” you stated.

“Kind of,” Bucky said. “I don’t...well, I don’t really have time to date and finding someone who understands me and what I’m looking for, what I need, it can be difficult. So, I go out with women who understand that I am in it only to fulfill my need for sex, my need for control.”

“Control? What do you mean, control?” you interrupted.

Bucky sat up a little straighter, his hands clutching his thighs, the click and whir of his metal arm loud in the quiet of your room. “Have you heard of dominants and submissives?” he asked.

“Y-yes,” you nodded.

Bucky looked pointedly at you, waiting patiently for you to connect the dots. It didn’t take long. “You’re a dominant?” you murmured.

“I am,” he said. “And I find women who are submissives, who want to be submissives, to sleep with me.”

Your heart was nearly pounding out of your chest. The conversation had taken a turn you hadn’t expected. You picked up the cup of tea with shaking hands and took a sip. To your surprise, none of what Bucky was saying changed anything for you. You were still very attracted to him, and despite your obvious naivete, you still wanted a chance to be with Bucky, to see if there could be something between the two of you.

“What if I’m okay with that?” you inquired.

Bucky arched an eyebrow, a look of surprise crossing his gorgeous face. “Really?”

“Yeah,” you shrugged. “What if I’m willing to be that for you? Would you still try to steer clear of me?”

“No, definitely not,” Bucky shook his head. “But I’d certainly want to make sure you really understood what you were getting into with me.” He rose to his feet and plucked the tray from your lap. You hadn’t even realized you finished the food he’d brought you. “Why don’t you do some research, Y/N, and we’ll talk later tonight? I want you to understand what being a submissive entails.”

“You couldn’t teach me?” you murmured.

Bucky leaned over you, a wicked smirk on his face. “Oh, I’d love to teach you, doll,” he chuckled. “If, after you do the research, you decide that’s what you want.” He brushed a kiss across your lips before straightening up and heading for the door. He had his hand on the knob when you stopped him with a question.

“If I do all of that and decide I still want to be with you, then will you make love to me?”

“Oh, Y/N,” Bucky smirked. “I don’t make love. I fuck. Hard.”

With that, he vanished out the door, leaving you to wonder what exactly you’d gotten yourself into with him.

 


End file.
